A short while ago my editor, Kat and I were going over some revisions for Illumination before it was sent off to layout. When that was finalized we chit-chatted for a while catching up on each other’s lives. We’ve gotten to be pretty good friends in the last few years since she became the editor of both my series. She finally asked the question many of my friends have inquired about in the last six months…So, how do you like being single?
We laughed for a time about the sad prospects that are available out there…at least in my corner of the world that I’ve come across. There may be a few princes out there but I’m not too keen on kissing toads in order to find one.
Leaving names at the door, I told her about a 31 year old, a little above average guy from work that has been on 32 FIRST dates in the last six months! No second dates!! After he admitted that I had to inquire ‘how do you meet all those woman?’ His response; ‘online, friends, friends of friends, friend’s sister’s cousin ex-girlfriend…’ ‘Doesn’t that get expensive?’ was all I could say. He laughed and said, ‘Yeah, but there’s taco Tuesday’s, Happy Hours, etc.,’
So, Kat asked if I had considered online dating…or at the very least I could use it for research for my With Honors series (she has a devious mind I warn you). And for the next two hours that’s what we did. We scoped out all the ‘free’ sites we could think of. We started with Match.com….nothing much there. Then over to some PlentyOFish.com that was pretty much the same as match. We even tried OKCupid.com and millionairematch.com…those were comical to say the least.
And of course because of my bestselling series…the obvious one CougarLife.com. Kat and I spent the next hour laughing until our sides hurt.Seriously fellows??!! What lady is going to be ‘Oh, I gotta send him a flirt or message!!’ when your tag line is “I’m horny!” and your handle is BigDaddy1010. In what universe do you think that appeals to women?
As we continued to browse the names and handles got even more humorous. Granted it was late and we were both fairly slap happy by that point, but nevertheless, you have to agree that these desperate attempts to lure ‘Cougars’ is quite pathetic. Some of our personal favorite handles were Gr8WhytHope, FeedOnMe, TheBroken1, MrDickum4U, SecretLover101, White_Stallion22, AnybodyWanna, and Young_and_Hung1. You can understand the giggling.
The best tag lines we saw and had to share
~Looking for a wild cougar to take me… (to where? The zoo? Because this one doesn’t look old enough to be taken to the local pub)
~Run away little girl. Run away (Good warning to you ladies because the only ride this one has is a BMX bicycle, but he should get his driver’s license in the next year or so!)
~Rockin’ the top bunk (this stud was shirtless and should fill out nicely once puberty kicks in)
~Spooning lead to forking
~Breakfast is on me (he looks 16 so ladies this one will only cost you a Happy Meal)
~Tight like a tiger
~Looking for a REAL woman (he’s hidden beneath a hooded unzipped sweatshirt, hood up over a sideways baseball cap…yep, this one’s a classy man!)
~Tall, strong and ready
~I like pie! (from the full stature of this man it appears he’s been eating too many apple pies from McDonald’s)
~Hello there, my hot huny bunnies! (this DinoDude24 can’t even open his eyes)
~Pay me (his profile says 26, his photo says 60, I’m not kidding, he’s shirtless covered in grey hair and wrinkles…Mr. Sexy right here ladies!!)
~I’m not selfish I just know what I want! (from the look of Fab18’s profile pick I’d say he’s in need of a diaper change and a nap!)
~I just want to satisfy
And the #1 scumbag award goes to this asshole: WeberKK16 who straight up admits he’s an SOB with the tagline ‘like to cheat on my pregnant girlfriend’!!!
And finally MrSecretLover101 offers ‘Fellatio for you’ and trust me ladies, it would a huge secret because no one would admit dating THAT!!
Needless to say Ladies, there are some outstanding prospects out there just waiting to be explored…NOT! Being single is not for the weak. It takes a lot of strength to put yourself out there and risk being hurt again. It’s frightening. And I think I may have seen to many movies about the horrors of the new dating scene to fully trust anyone new.
Perhaps Prince Charming is out there looking for me. Maybe he isn’t. There are only two things in this world we can guarantee and that’s death and taxes. I cannot say I believe in fate or destiny. I do, however, believe our lives are only as fulfilling and happy as we decide to make it. That being said, I’m going to get out of bed each morning, go to work, come home and write.
So Mr. Prince Charming, if you’re out there looking for me, you may have to speak up a little because I’m focusing on my career right now and am not looking for you at all. Sorry! I may get around to noticing you sooner or later, but honestly, it’s going to be the second of the two. I’ve got things to take care of for myself first!