Frightening Prospects-Online Dating

A short while ago my editor, Kat and I were going over some revisions for Illumination before it was sent off to layout. When that was finalized we chit-chatted for a while catching up on each other’s lives. We’ve gotten to be pretty good friends in the last few years since she became the editor of both my series. She finally asked the question many of my friends have inquired about in the last six months…So, how do you like being single?

We laughed for a time about the sad prospects that are available out there…at least in my corner of the world that I’ve come across. There may be a few princes out there but I’m not too keen on kissing toads in order to find one.

Leaving names at the door, I told her about a 31 year old, a little above average guy from work that has been on 32 FIRST dates in the last six months! No second dates!! After he admitted that I had to inquire ‘how do you meet all those woman?’ His response; ‘online, friends, friends of friends, friend’s sister’s cousin ex-girlfriend…’ ‘Doesn’t that get expensive?’ was all I could say. He laughed and said, ‘Yeah, but there’s taco Tuesday’s, Happy Hours, etc.,’

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So, Kat asked if I had considered online dating…or at the very least I could use it for research for my With Honors series (she has a devious mind I warn you). And for the next two hours that’s what we did. We scoped out all the ‘free’ sites we could think of. We started with Match.com….nothing much there. Then over to some PlentyOFish.com that was pretty much the same as match. We even tried OKCupid.com and millionairematch.com…those were comical to say the least.

And of course because of my bestselling series…the obvious one CougarLife.com. Kat and I spent the next hour laughing until our sides hurt.Seriously fellows??!! What lady is going to be ‘Oh, I gotta send him a flirt or message!!’ when your tag line is “I’m horny!” and your handle is BigDaddy1010. In what universe do you think that appeals to women?

As we continued to browse the names and handles got even more humorous. Granted it was late and we were both fairly slap happy by that point, but nevertheless, you have to agree that these desperate attempts to lure ‘Cougars’ is quite pathetic. Some of our personal favorite handles were Gr8WhytHope, FeedOnMe, TheBroken1, MrDickum4U, SecretLover101, White_Stallion22, AnybodyWanna, and Young_and_Hung1. You can understand the giggling.

The best tag lines we saw and had to share
~Looking for a wild cougar to take me… (to where? The zoo? Because this one doesn’t look old enough to be taken to the local pub)
~Run away little girl. Run away (Good warning to you ladies because the only ride this one has is a BMX bicycle, but he should get his driver’s license in the next year or so!)
~Rockin’ the top bunk (this stud was shirtless and should fill out nicely once puberty kicks in)
~Spooning lead to forking
~Breakfast is on me (he looks 16 so ladies this one will only cost you a Happy Meal)
~Tight like a tiger
~Looking for a REAL woman (he’s hidden beneath a hooded unzipped sweatshirt, hood up over a sideways baseball cap…yep, this one’s a classy man!)
~Tall, strong and ready
~I like pie! (from the full stature of this man it appears he’s been eating too many apple pies from McDonald’s)
~Hello there, my hot huny bunnies! (this DinoDude24 can’t even open his eyes)
~Pay me (his profile says 26, his photo says 60, I’m not kidding, he’s shirtless covered in grey hair and wrinkles…Mr. Sexy right here ladies!!)
~I’m not selfish I just know what I want! (from the look of Fab18’s profile pick I’d say he’s in need of a diaper change and a nap!)
~I just want to satisfy

And the #1 scumbag award goes to this asshole: WeberKK16 who straight up admits he’s an SOB with the tagline ‘like to cheat on my pregnant girlfriend’!!!

And finally MrSecretLover101 offers ‘Fellatio for you’ and trust me ladies, it would a huge secret because no one would admit dating THAT!!

Needless to say Ladies, there are some outstanding prospects out there just waiting to be explored…NOT! Being single is not for the weak. It takes a lot of strength to put yourself out there and risk being hurt again. It’s frightening. And I think I may have seen to many movies about the horrors of the new dating scene to fully trust anyone new.

Perhaps Prince Charming is out there looking for me. Maybe he isn’t. There are only two things in this world we can guarantee and that’s death and taxes. I cannot say I believe in fate or destiny. I do, however, believe our lives are only as fulfilling and happy as we decide to make it. That being said, I’m going to get out of bed each morning, go to work, come home and write.

So Mr. Prince Charming, if you’re out there looking for me, you may have to speak up a little because I’m focusing on my career right now and am not looking for you at all. Sorry! I may get around to noticing you sooner or later, but honestly, it’s going to be the second of the two. I’ve got things to take care of for myself first!

Up To I Do

Up To I Do

Up To I Do by Samantha March
Up To I Do by Samantha March

About the Book

Emerson Sinclair, twenty-seven year old hotel heiress, has said yes. With just over a year to plan her extravagant, over the top nuptials to Logan Worthington, it’s all hands on deck with the wedding plans. A Sinclair marrying into the Worthington family is the talk of their small New Hampshire town, and ideas include filming the wedding for a TV segment. But as the items get checked off the list, plans start to go … not as planned. From not getting a designer dress to a selfish bridesmaid and unaccountable best man, Emerson is afraid her wedding will be more a joke than anything.
When both her mother and sister seemingly begin to lose interest in her wedding plans in favor of their own personal lives, Emerson fears her big day will turn into the forgotten wedding. With the pressure to pull off a beautiful and elegant event that everyone expects from their respectable families, Emerson starts to forget the reason why she is saying I Do in the first place.

Author Bio

Samantha March, Author
Samantha March, Author

Samantha March is an author, editor, publisher, blogger, and all-around book lover. She runs the popular book/women’s lifestyle blog ChickLitPlus, which keeps her bookshelf stocked with the latest reads and up-to-date on all things health, fitness, fashion, and beauty related. In 2011, she launched her independent publishing company, Marching Ink, and has four published novels—Destined to Fail, The Green Ticket, A Questionable Friendship, and Up To I Do. When she isn’t reading, writing, or blogging, you can find her cheering for the Green Bay Packers. Samantha lives in Iowa with her husband and Vizsla puppy.

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The Dreaded “D” Word

The Dreaded “D” Word

Yes, it’s the dreaded “D” word and depending on your situation and/or stage in life it can mean two very different things…both of which strikes fear into the very core of our being.

Divorce

Dating

Both can be a heartache, headache and/or something we dread more than anything else. But sometimes you find yourself going through the first “D” word either by choice or unwillingly, and then thanks to your friends and co-workers or even perhaps by accident of circumstances, are forced into the second.

The first can be a blessing all on its own…at least until the attorney’s get involved. That’s when the claws come out and your nice, polite, agreed upon division of property and assets get tossed out the kitchen window with the dirty dish water. It quickly becomes a game of he said, she said, he said, he said. The emails start flying back and forth, everyone’s ticked all to hell because one little attorney spoke out of term and blew your peaceful world apart with idle threats that are so ridiculous your own attorney laughed when he got them. BUT the damage has been done and now you’re really pissed so you decide to ‘get even’ and ‘go for it all’.

Unfortunately, no one wins that battle except for the attorney’s as you and your – soon to be – ex spend the next year or so of your life paying off his fees.

Sounds fun, right?

And then you’re single again…and at my age, a lot of my friends are once again. We’ve all seemed to come full circle…went to school, married young, had children…the kids are all grown now or mostly so and then the divorce happens. We don’t know why or how, but one day you wake up and you don’t even recognize the person sleeping beside you anymore and you realize that you haven’t really spoken to them in years. You’ve just been going through the day to day motions and before you know it, you’re strangers with the one person who is supposed to love you above all else and you them.

It’s sad but true and I’ve seen it more often than not. Some marriages survive the test of time, others should have never happened in the first place.

So what to do now?

In your 20s dating was fun, exciting, and sometimes romantic. In your 40s…it’s a whole different ballgame! And it seems everyone in your life knows the perfect person for you and are all too eager to set you up on that horrible, wretched, and mind-numbing first date. And it feels more like a job interview than a date…admit it, you know I’m right! We’ve all sat at that little café or Starbucks (because making a commitment to share a meal is too much since you’re fairly certain your date is related to Satan or worse…reminds you of your ex), giving our life history in thirty seconds or less and then listen to theirs and decide within 20 seconds of seeing them (if it even takes that long) whether or not you will EVER share a meal with this person.

Yes, I’m divorced. Yes, I have children, three actually. Yes, I like movies. No, I don’t like rap music…ok, time to move on.

It’s the same ol’ same ol’ and as I get further into this messy stage of life the more I realize how critical it is to have a sense of humor. As women in our 20s we all mainly go through the same ritual when preparing for a first date…shower, shave, sexy panties (not that they will see them, but we know they’re there and they make us feel sexier. Plus, let’s face it in our 20s, 99% of our panties fell into this category), make-up perfectly applied, hair looking glamorous. We try on 20 different outfits and they are discarded about our room carelessly as we move on to the next one determined to find THE perfect and magical outfit that we believe hides all our flaws and accents those assets we’re fairly confident about (like such an outfit exists!).

Now add 20 years to that and the routine changes just a smidgen. Sure we still shower, apply make-up and fix our hair…sexy undergarments are not even a thought because we know there’s no chance of him seeing them unless he happens to look like Johnny Depp or Gerard Butler…because there are just SO MANY men out there that do!! Hell, we may even throw on our best fitted jeans but I’m willing to put money on it that we didn’t bother to shave our legs! And the only required undergarment is the glorious push-up bra that you paid $65 for at Victoria Secret because it is the only bra you have that can seemingly defy gravity.

It’s funny, it’s sad…but it’s also so true!

Dating in your 40s is nothing like the escapades I recall from my 20s…thank God! And as I’ve attempted to navigate my way through this new era in my life, I’ve learned a great deal:

1. Adult children are more of a pain in the ass then younger children (your own and his).
2. There are still gentlemen out there you just have to look really hard for them.
3. Motorcycle rides through the desert are fun…especially at sunset.
4. A kiss can still cause butterflies in my stomach (which honestly shocked the hell out of me cause I was positive those guys died over a decade ago)
5. Sharing a cup of coffee and watching the sunrise is very romantic
6. Holding hands says I really like you
7. Having him ask you to walk on the inside of the sidewalk because he wants to make sure your safe means everything
8. Making out is fun!
9. Making out in the car in front of the house like a teenager is a lot of fun!!
10. The smallest gesture, like getting a text in the morning that says ‘You are beautiful’, can make you smile all day long.

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So, while it isn’t perfect and at times does test your patience…the dreaded “D” word can be a blessing in disguise. And while neither was something I thought I would ever have to deal with again, as I look back over the last several years of my life and how unhappy I’ve been, for me, the “D” word has given me a second chance at happiness.

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