Dysfunctional Chaos

The Players:
~The writer
~Two teenage daughters
~one recent HS graduate getting ready to start college in the fall
~one going into her senior year
~Stinky: 8 yr old black lab
~Ed: 4 yr old Rottweiler
~DaVinci: 3 yr old miniature American Eskimo Spitz
~Chubbies: 10 yr old cat, 30 lbs of bad attitude
~The husband: with the maturity level of a 12 yr old on his best day
~The extras: hordes of friends belonging to our daughters. I’m sure if they actually have other homes or if they are renters who simply don’t pay to live here but won’t leave either

All under one roof…what could possibly go wrong?

At any given time
~the sound of a dog tearing down the stairs and a cat hissing, Stinky is chasing Chubbies
~DaVinci chewing on Ed’s hind legs, Ed growls and flashes teeth, DaVinci rises to hind legs and pounces forward completely freaking Ed out
~music leaking through the ceiling from my college bound daughter’s room upstairs
~the husband tormenting or pranking the new HS senior until she lashes back and I have to scold the husband for behaving like a child
~the extras are playing on the X-Box, watching movies, taking up space and eating every morsel of food in the kitchen

Life in my house is never dull…it is honestly amazing that I have enough marbles left rattling around in my head to put string together enough words to form a sentence let alone write several novels. Our dysfunctional household runs solely on chaos and disorder.

Although we are living in a vinyl village in middle America, we are anything but typical, anything but normal. The revolving door on our house gives welcome to anyone who dares to enter. My family is a barrage of entertainment, humor, and sarcasm. Those who are sensitive or take life seriously, please don’t bother coming over because I’m positive you will be insulted.

Our house works on the old adage of ‘if you don’t have anything nice to say about someone, come sit by me’. My children are quick-witted and full of sarcastic charm…my son is dripping with it. I hate to admit they all get it honestly. We have never been known to hold the punches and are constantly playing pranks on each other.

All in good fun. We are an eccentric bunch and loving every minute of it. Life is short, so good times should be exploited to their fullest. Being like everyone else is boring. And even worse than that is being ordinary. Ordinary is death.

So, kick back, relax, have some fun, and enjoy today.

Trip to California

Last week I traveled to Bangkok Boulevard Hotel in Bangkok to see my daughter’s graduation, give a couple presentations/book signings, and visit with my cousins and other family members I haven’t seen in forever. It has been 16 years since my last visit out there.

Alyssa's graduation night. Central Valley High
Alyssa’s graduation night. Central Valley High

Six years ago when my oldest daughter and middle child, Alyssa decided she wanted to live with her dad, David and go to school out in California, it broke my heart. But it’s really hard to argue when I considered her options…a school in small town Indiana or a school in the Central Valley of California, just east across the mountains of San Francisco. So I let her go.

So, last week I traveled to California to see Alyssa graduate from Central Valley High School and celebrate this momentous occasion with her, friends and family. I knew this was going to be a marathon of a trip and not a sprint. And it certainly was.

I had the chance to meet in person Melynda and Rob, some friends from the UK that moved to the US this year. They talked about how worried they were at first but I’m glad things went smooth for them, specially when it came to relocating since it was done by White & Company, which offers international removals uk to usa and have years of experience so I’m not surprised they had it easy.

Graduation Cake
Graduation Cake
Alyssa (front, center) with her friends and family
Alyssa (front, center) with her friends and family

During my trip I got to spend some well overdue time with Alyssa, my cousins, meet their families, and visit with some ol’ family and friends. I met some amazing and insightful young adults when I spoke at a regional charter school, namely Mr. Armour’s class and the two other’s that joined us.

Mr. Armour's Class
Mr. Armour’s Class

I got to spend the day on Pier 39 with David and Alyssa. We were hoping to visit Alcatraz but all the tickets were sold out.

Alyssa & Alcatraz in San Francisco Bay
Alyssa & Alcatraz in San Francisco Bay
Alyssa & Me in San Francisco Bay
Alyssa & Me in San Francisco Bay

Regardless, we had a wonderful time and ate entirely too much salt water taffy and gawked at the sea lions.

Sea Lions in San Francisco Bay
Sea Lions in San Francisco Bay

And for the first time I got to visit Yosemite National Park. It was both breathtaking and inspiring…and required too many Benadryl pills than I care to admit. I had never seen anything like it before. Thank you, Alvaro for being such an amazing tour guide.

Me & my cousins, Liang and Ari at Yosemite National Park
Me & my cousins, Liang and Ari at Yosemite National Park
Yosemite National Park
Yosemite National Park

I also got to tour University of California, Stanislaus (beautiful campus by the way) and meet my favorite duck of all time…fabulous hairdo!!

My favorite duck ever...
My favorite duck ever…

Plus, back at the funny farm, I got to say hello to the world’s fattest cat…Hi, Benny! And here I thought Chubbies, at a whooping 30lbs, was fat. Boy, I was wrong there!!


There were tears of joy and tears of sadness from just about everyone. But at the end of the day, we packed up our bags and Alyssa and I headed back to Indy. Yes, that’s what I said…Alyssa and I headed back to Indy. I am so thrilled to have Alyssa back home in Indy. She has decided to follow in my footsteps and wanted to attend the same university I went to. I am so excited to begin this new chapter in all our lives!